Time well spent

The Triumphant Mom - 07 April, 2010

The term ‘quality time’ is often associated with parenting. For most, quality time refers to the special moments with a child that provide a sense of closeness. It also can have the implied meaning of making up for a lack of quantity of time with a child. The first 60 days of your child’s life are precious and miraculous, and your baby needs you present as much as possible; during this period, it is the quantity of time that matters. The warm feelings usually associated with quality time can make you feel like you ought to rush through the needy times of your newborn’s days and nights because they are not pleasant.

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Quantity time says that all times are good times to love and get to know your baby.

Everything is new to your baby. She needs to hear your voice, feel your touch and see your face as much as possible in order to figure out her new senses and emotions as well as the world around her. To gently ease your little one into life, stick to the basics of parenting. Look at her a lot. Hold her on your bare skin. Pay attention to the rhythms of her sucking. Smell her. Take deep breaths and relax as she cries. Gently rub her body after diapering. Sing her whatever song you wish. Your focus for now centers on the two eyes that gaze at you, and the one new heart that slows at the sound of your voice.

In these early weeks, you may experience times when you feel like you cannot give your baby what she needs to calm down, which is stressful. Quantity time allows for periods of stress. Keep in mind that a newborn cannot control her emotions. Her feelings are disorganized, so don’t be dismayed if you are having a hard time reading the nuances of your newborn’s emotions -- she is too. You and your baby are learning to read each other’s cues. Your baby learns what cry gets you to respond, while you learn what soothes her. Working it out together is what matters most. Over time she will come to know that you respond to her when she is distressed; in turn, she will learn to trust you, relax, and eventually soothe herself.

The newborn period is a brief, delicate window of time in your child’s life. Take in as much of it as you can. However, keep in mind that quantity time does not mean all the time. You and your baby’s needs are intertwined, so she needs you to take care of yourself. Find quick ways to renew yourself: take a bath, exercise, or watch a movie … eat chocolate (see our tips Low-cost ways to pamper yourself as a new mom and Taking time for yourself (Yeah right!!).

Chances are that other obligations in your life will present challenges to the notion of quantity time. You may have to return to work after only a short maternity leave, or you may have several other children whose needs have only increased since this baby arrived. Take advantage of any offer for help. Hopefully, your partner will support you and provide additional nurture and play. No matter what, you also have a broader network of people (professionals, family, and friends) who can support your desire to have as much time as possible with your newborn.

By Anne Oxenreider

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