For many families, separation and divorce is an emotionally, devastating time, where parents find themselves acting in ways that are not rational or cooperative.

Pick Up and Drop off Times

One of the most emotionally stressful times for a child is when a parent arrives to pick up or to drop off a child. Children are aware of the tension between the parents: they have experienced the shock and sadness too and may feel insecure about further conflict and tension.

To help support children, you can give them advance notice of any changes, show up on time and as planned. This gives children a sense of security - they can know and trust what will happen next. Keep to the arrangements as children can easily feel rejected and confused by unexplained failure to arrive or be dropped off at the expected time.

Practical tips for visits

• Visits are not times for parents to check up on each other or attempt to negotiate contentious issues. Children need to be able to go between both households without being questioned about what is happening in the other. Children will naturally want to talk about the other parent – but should not be ‘pumped’ for information. This distresses a child.
• Children need access to both parents therefore helping contact visits remain positive and stress free assists in relieving further grief to the child.
• It is better not to move children between households too close to their bedtime. Nor is it beneficial to the child to start out on an activity or outing the minute they arrive or return. Allow children to settle and adjust.
• Children may sometimes show distress in one form or other upon returning from seeing or staying with the other parent. The distress is usually real and a calm, empathic response will help children work out their own way of coping with their parent’s separation. Active listening allows the space for children to tell you in their own way what is going on, if they are aware of it and then to begin to work through it themselves.

Different Environments

Parents do not need to provide duplicate environments for their children concerning rules of behavior etc. On the other hand just as when both parents lived together it is important to reach broad agreement on matters of child rearing practices. It is not uncommon for there to be disagreements between parents about what is good or safe for children or other child rearing issues. Effectively finding ways to support children through working together will benefit their adjustment. Give each other time to settle before trying to negotiate changes.

Things to Avoid

Children are loyal and trusting of both parents, therefore as parents, we look to behave in ways that does not abuse their trust and not take advantage of children.

Messenger: Using children as messengers between the two parents teaches children that adults cannot talk honestly or directly to each other

Anger: Anger between parents has a destructive effect on children – and often covers deep hurt and grief.

I Spy: Asking child to report on the other parent is destructive; it is using a child for your own ends.

Disneyland Daddy, Mommy Santa: When visits are used just to give the child a good time, or outings and gifts take the place of normal parenting.

You can go if you like but we are going on a picnic: Do not set up competing activities, it spoils children’s pleasure in being with either parent.

Children have a right to:

• Be able to enjoy the love of both parents without excessive demands placed upon them.
• Feel proud of both parents and to be able to respect them
• See their parents behave towards each other with at least minimal courtesy, consideration and respect.
• Be listened to by both of their parents so that their needs are met

As parents, if we can have respect and hold all the people in our life dearly, then we can intuitively guide our children into developing confidently and able to meet many of life’s challenges.

If you have a preschooler, you need a set of blocks. It is really that simple.
Why are blocks a must? First, they are concrete.  Preschoolers aren’t ready to think in the abstract ways that worksheets require.  Plus, their developing writing skills (fine motor development) won’t allow them to think through writing as quickly as their minds work.  Blocks do.

Not only do blocks allow for concrete learning, they also tap into your preschooler’s need for repetition while learning.  Young children will stack and knock down blocks over and over again because of the sensory rewards—the sight of the blocks falling is breath-taking and the sound is awesome.  

Because many of us associate math with worksheets, we think that preschoolers aren’t ready for math lessons.  Maria Montessori, a pioneer in early childhood education, emphasized the importance of concrete forms in math education between the ages of three and five.  Math manipulatives facilitate the abstract thought needed later to compute numbers. She recommended that young children constantly move objects, like blocks and beads, and use their senses while learning because it leads to a later desire to write out a mathematical operation.  

Blocks are often available, but they are not always used for intentional math & play sessions.  Simply having blocks available for a preschooler to use does not take full advantage of the potential that blocks have to construct a math mind. To unlock the mathematical benefits of block play, your child needs social interaction with you.  

If you don’t have wooden blocks, you can make your own blocks out of lightweight cardboard boxes (tissue boxes, cereal boxes, oatmeal canisters).  For added weight, pack them with newspaper and tape them shut.  Whether you have wooden blocks or not, making some cardboard boxes together and talking about their size and shape and what you would like to build with them is a great way to introduce your intentional math & play sessions.

Here are some age-appropriate purposeful block play ideas:

• Lay out block pattern with three or four blocks (triangle, circle, triangle, square) and ask your preschooler to match or continue the pattern.  Recognizing and predicting patterns is an important logic and math skill
• Select eight to ten blocks and ask your child to “Make something really cool.”  You may find that your preschooler creates roads, a house with walls and floors, or the tallest possible tower.  No matter what, give lots of praise and ask open ended questions like, “What will people do in this room?” or “Why doesn’t your tower fall down?”  If you notice a clear preference for constructing one type of structure after playing this game several times, ask your preschooler to create a new type of structure.  You might say, “I love your towers, but could you make a town with roads this time?”  Building a variety of structures fosters different types of mathematical thinking.
• Name the different block shapes and point out similar shapes around the room.  For example, the rectangular window or circle rug.  By doing this, you introduce the concept of mathematical shapes as structures, much like what they have built during block play.
• Encourage your child to sort the blocks by size.  Use comparison words like big and small.  Later when your child is asked to find the bigger number, he will have a concrete reference for size.  Also reinforce the use of comparison words with concrete objects by asking your child to stack the small block on the big block and the big block on the small block.  Stacking blocks of different sizes (and letting them fall) fosters the spatial reasoning needed in geometry and offers hands-on problem solving skills.
• Get out a tape measure and note specific differences in the sizes of the blocks.  By using tape measure, you introduce units of measure and fine tune comparisons. (Leave lots of time for this activity because both of you will want to measure everything—including each other.)

Block play is a rich parent/child activity—filled with touch, sight, sound, repetition, and imagination.  The guided, tactile learning activities listed here are meant to help you lead your child into a curiosity for the world of mathematics.  That sense of curiosity—the desire to know—is the most prized school-readiness skill and so easy to build.

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Children vary at the age and speed in which they achieve bladder and bowel control.

This article aims to give you a variety of strategies that are both easy to read and practical. What do parents need to know about potty training? 

Despite a generally more relaxed approach today to toilet training, many parents still feel under pressure from family and friends. You find out from your grandmother that your aunt was fully potty trained at one… ONE!!!! That is crazy!! As parents we often remember things differently as the years go by; have a sense of humor when listening to others stories and advice. A sense of humor is compulsory when potty training!!

What are some signs that my child is ready?

Most parents try potty training anywhere from 18-months old through to three years of age. There is no standard "right" time for all children, you as the parent will need to gauge when the time is right. Toilet training is a special developmental challenge early in childhood. There is usually no hurry or benefit to early potty training. It is best to try and wait until the child is ready. Do not start potty training until both you and your child are ready. You are ready when you are able to commit the time and energy necessary to encourage your child on a daily basis to be happy and supported while toilet training. Summer is a great time to potty train as it allows your child the opportunity to wear minimal clothing and the pressure of "accidents" isn’t an issue when they are spending a lot of time outside.

Your child may show some of the following signs of readiness

• An interest in wearing underpants instead of diapers 
• They may signal that the diaper is wet or soiled or they may ask to use the potty
• The ability to stay dry for several hours at a stretch
• An interest in being clean and dry
• Show signs of independence like wanting to dress and feed oneself
• Able to understand simple instructions

Tips for making potty training easier

Remember that you are dealing with a toddler or preschooler who likes to believe that they are in control of the situation. It is better to allow your child to have some choices. Parents generally have better success when they are not forcing potty training.

The following are some tips for easing the stress of toilet training:

• Let your child be involved in choosing some of the potty training equipment e.g. new underwear, potty seat, potty, reward chart
• Decide if you are going to initially use a potty chair and then an over-the-toilet seat with a stool. Some parents choose to not use a potty, the choice is individual and you may need to be flexible
• Decide when your son is going to experiment with standing up to urinate (be warned, it can be messy!)
• Allow your child to see what toileting looks like, let them flush the toilet, talk about why big people use toilets
• Ensure that everyone who cares for your child is involved in the decision to commit to potty training e.g. daycare, sitters, family members, as a consistent approach is vital. Once you are confident that your support network is ready, make the decision, choose the day and stick with it!! It is important to continue with toilet training regardless of your child’s schedule e.g. birthday parties, visiting friends. It will require more time and energy on your part, but stopping and starting can send mixed messages to your child
• If you feel you have prematurely started toilet training and your child simply isn’t ready, then stop and try again later

Getting started

• Let your child experiment with sitting on the potty with pants/diapers on and off 
• Encourage your child to watch parents or siblings use the bathroom
• Never force a child to sit on the potty or toilet
• Assist your child in undressing and sitting on the potty or toilet
• Let your child sit for as long or as little as they want to
• Ensure you have LOTS OF underwear and loose, easy to remove pants. When leaving the house, be prepared for the worst!
• Begin by putting your child on the toilet or potty at regular intervals. Most children urinate within an hour after having a large drink
• Stay with your child when they are using the toilet or potty. Smile, read or talk as it may help them to relax
• When they successfully use the toilet/potty, praise them and celebrate!! You may use a reward chart, have a small party to celebrate, or phone a family member and tell them the great news!! Show your child you are so proud of his success!

It may take up to 3 months to toilet train your child. It is important for you to be patient and supportive throughout. Do not punish your child when he or she has an accident.  A lot of children are able to become dry during the day but take months or years to be consistently dry at night.

Expect accidents…

Potty training generally takes several weeks or more for the child who is ready. If it is taking longer, maybe your child isn't yet ready, and you should try again in a few weeks. Even for the child who is making progress, there will be plenty of accidents. Be prepared to accept them with patience and to appreciate that this is just part of normal potty training. Make sure you reward your child with praise and congratulations when he or she uses the potty, and be sympathetic when there are mistakes. Children who are punished for toileting mistakes may end up becoming more resistant to using the toilet altogether. Praise success, but do not criticize failure and GOOD LUCK!

Parent tips

Maria and Andrew: parents of three children aged 4, 6 and 8
‘I found potty training with my eldest daughter to be extremely easy. She was dry both day and night after three days. I was so proud of her (and myself!). Unfortunately my two sons have been a totally different experience. I did the same process with my boys; my middle son would urinate in the toilet/potty but wanted a diaper on to poop… so frustrating. The refusals continued for a year! My youngest took a while, we tried potty training at two, then stopped and waited and he finally had dry days at three and a half years.’ 

Lisa and Mark: parents of two sons aged 7 and 5
‘Toilet training was difficult with both our sons, they took a long time to get out of diapers, I made lots of excuses – waiting for summer, waiting until I had stopped breastfeeding my youngest. I think I was hoping it would happen on it’s own BUT IT DIDN’T!  My seven year old still wets the bed at night occasionally, we wake him and make him go to the toilet when we go to bed but he still has wet nights. We eventually had success with our youngest child when we bought him some dinosaur underwear…’ 

Mealtime is a time for families to gather together, share and have fun!

In today’s fast-paced society, families often abandon eating together. Research shows that children that eat with their families are more likely to try new foods, make healthier choices and even do better in school! Mealtimes are an opportunity for parents to strengthen their family, model good eating habits and keep track of their children’s lives.

Here are some tips to create mealtime routines for your family:

• Try to plan one meal a day in which everyone can be together. If both parents are not available, have at least one parent eat with the children. If the weekdays are too hectic, make a special effort on the weekend.
• Try to focus on your children and not discuss adult issues. Start a tradition by having each child share the best thing that happened to them that day. Enjoy your amazing family.
• Turn off the TV! Television viewing during dinner stifles conversation. Research shows that families that watch television during dinner eat more fatty foods and less fruits and vegetables.
• Let the children join in cooking. Children as young as two-years old love to help! They can help prepare dinner (eg; sprinkle cheese, chop bananas for fruit salad etc), set the table or even do the dishes (if you don’t mind the mess).
• At mealtimes model good manners, healthy eating and a willingness to try new foods. Children will mimic your attitudes toward food.  If you don’t eat your vegetables, why should they? Be open to new ways of cooking too.
• Keep meals simple and be realistic about the amount of food that you give your child.

Parent Tips

Jane and Mikel - parents of four children
The children take turns bringing a lighted candle to the dinner table. We then sing a blessing. If the children are a bit fussy about coming to the table, I sprinkle some magic fairy dust and polish their seats. This tends to work because of their ages. At our house we have a compulsory salad at the start of our meal, and the children know that it is the most important part and that it must be eaten before getting anything else. We have always been consistent with this and rarely have an issue with non-eating. If they are teething or overtired, then they just do their best.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

In some situations you are the best judge of what your child may or may not do.

Asking Permission - Part five

Teach your child the following three parts of asking permission:

1. Go to the person in charge.
2. Ask in the form of a question.
3. Wait for an answer.

Here are a few words of advice:

• Remember to intentionally teach your child how to ask for permission.  You could say, “Jessica, I am going to teach you how to ask permission to do somethings because asking permission is important for staying safe.  First, I want you to go to the person in charge…that’s the adult, like Mommy or Daddy.  Then, ask a question such as ‘May I please have a snack?’ Next, just wait for an answer.  Now let’s practice.”  Remember you will need to repeat these instructions again and again as situations come up.  You want your child to tell them back to you without help…oh yeah, and to do them too.
• Think ahead about when you want your child to ask for permission.  Asking to be excused from the dinner table can begin at an early age.  Other times include: playing with particularly messy toys (like blocks or a train set), having a snack, going outside or off the porch, and watching television.  Establishing routine opportunities for asking permission will reinforce the skill so that it can transfer to other situations later—such as a classroom.
• Give your child a chance to initiate this skill after teaching it.  When she forgets to ask permission, you need to get down at eye-level, establish eye contact, and ask her to tell you the steps for asking permission.  This gentle, respectful intervention takes deliberate effort on your part, so slowly introduce situations for asking permission. (Don’t frustrate yourself or your child with too much at once.)  
• Teaching your child to ask permission is not being controlling.  Obviously, your preschooler will make hundreds of decisions independently each day (that’s why they need that afternoon rest time).  But in certain situations—ones that you deem important—you are the best judge of what your child chooses to do.  As your child becomes older, especially school-age, you will gradually hand more decisions over to him in areas that he has proven to have good judgment.
• Asking permission establishes a structure for authority in your home that ultimately fosters your child’s sense of independence.  That is, as she senses who is in charge, she will develop a sense of security and a positive sense of self in relationship to those she loves and respects.

Source: www.professionalparenting.org

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

My preschooler hates having his hair washed. He loves the bath; but when it comes to hair washing, he cries and wants to get out.

What can we do? Many young children love to take a bath but protest loudly when it’s time to wash their hair. Here are a couple of ideas to make washing hair easier:

• Make sure you use a shampoo of the 'no tears' variety.
• Have your child hold a rolled up wash cloth over his eyes.
• Put some interesting pictures on the ceiling to encourage them to look up for easy rinsing.
• Try using a squeeze bottle filled with water to rinse hair if they are reluctant to lay down.
• Some children feel more comfortable with having their hair rinsed by a hand held shower attachment.
• Use a purpose made rinse guard to protect the face.
• If your child is afraid to have his hair washed, let him wash yours first and make it seem like fun!
• Put a doll with hair (one that can get wet) in the bath and let your child play at washing hair.
• Sing a hair washing song such as 'this is the way we wash your hair' - tell your child hair washing will be over when the song is over.
• Unless they are getting very dirty, don't worry about washing hair everyday. Some children may only need a hair wash once a week.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

The skill of accepting 'No', will teach your child how to deal with being denied.

Accepting "No" - Part four

Teach your child the following three parts to accepting “No” as an answer:

1. Look at the person.
2. Listen quietly.
3. Calmly move on.

Here are a few words of advice:

• I have to admit that I have physically cringed when I realized that I was going to have to tell my daughter “No” about something, especially in public.  Whether she would roll her eyes, stomp her feet, or whine, I just didn’t want to deal with it.  Have you ever decided not to say, “No” because you didn’t want to deal with your child’s reaction?
• As parents and teachers of our children, we have to remember that our children need to be taught how to accept “No”.  Merely saying, “Because I said so” or “Just do it” doesn’t help lay out the way to cope with the stress of being denied.  I am not saying that our children shouldn’t do what we ask; on the contrary, I believe they should—but doing so doesn’t come naturally.
• You have to teach the steps of the skill.  Put them on a sheet of paper on the refrigerator.  Go over them repeatedly—driving to the store, waiting in a line, or at bedtime.  Initially, ask your child to repeat the steps back to you as you say them one at a time.  This will take less than a minute to do.  Later, quiz her on all three steps. After your child can say the steps to accepting “No”, it is especially important to role play what you want your child to do so that the teaching is not just verbal but also involves movement (like it will in real life situations).
• The first step is to establish eye contact between you and your child.  Don’t be afraid to say, “Sarah, I want you to look at me,” when you know that you have to say “No”.  At first, to reinforce the skill, say, “Look at me.  Do you remember the steps for accepting ‘No’”?  Early on ask and help her to repeat the steps back to you.  Of course, she will know what is coming.  However, you are preparing her to respond appropriately.
• Once she is looking at you and listening quietly (step 2), say something simple and clear such as, “The answer is ‘No’.”
• If she starts to overreact, remind her to move on calmly (step 3).
• The steps of the skill do not allow a step for you to give your child a reason.  In the moment, the skill focuses on how to handle a stressful situation, so it needs to remain short and clear.
• Later, if you feel that it is important, you can offer a good reason for why you said, “No.”  (It doesn’t have to be every time.) However, your reason does need to make sense to a small child and should not be drawn out.
• Accepting “No” is a crucial life skill.  Our children’s teachers and, later, bosses will tell them “No.”  The goal in teaching this skill is to help our children learn early how to cope with and appropriately respond to being denied.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

Does your young child have temper tantrums? Does it feel like they last forever? Well take heart, you are not alone.

Tantrum behavior can start as young as around your child's first birthday. When tantrums first appear, many parents question what they have done wrong! In fact temper tantrums are a good sign - they show your child is on target developmentally. Children this age need to be able to assert their independence. Sometimes this gets expressed in temper tantrum behavior. Not only is it frightening and frustrating to you, but it is also a little scary for your toddler. Stay calm and offer them a hug when it is over.

What is a tantrum?

Many children show their frustrated feelings by screaming and kicking. Young children become frustrated because they lack the words to say what they are feeling, and therefore, they express their feelings in action e.g. temper tantrums. Tantrums often occur because a child is too tired, over-stimulated, or too stressed. The result is an unplanned outburst of emotion.

What are tantrum triggers for your child?

If your child has a lot of tantrums, it is wise to record a "tantrum diary." Write down what may be triggering the behavioral outbursts that way you can begin to come up with strategies for dealing with them appropriately.
Was your child:

• Tired
• Hungry
• Frustrated or unable to do something
• Being refused something or feeling a sense of loss
• Being rushed
• Trying to be independent
• Over-stimulated
• Disappointed
• Feeling misunderstood
• Eating certain foods e.g. food triggers
• Reacting to parent-stress strategies to stop tantrums happening in the first place

Hopefully, you’ve worked out the triggers that are causing the tantrums, and you and your partner have sat down and discussed some ways of doing things differently. Here are some tips to consider:

• Tired, hungry children are more likely to have behavior issues. Where possible, ensure your child is well fed (for this age group it is a good idea to take snacks and a drinks with you when you go out), and well rested
• Look for early warning signs, then distract or control the situation by offering choices
• Set the stage for success by making activities simple and obtainable
• Know your child’s limits. Challenge them, but try not to set them up for failure
• Give them plenty of praise
• Catch them being good

If you consistently have behavior problems in supermarkets or other places – try to avoid going there with your child.  Or if you must, make the visits short. Make them a helper, or distract them with food, a toy or a story while shopping.

Strategies for dealing with tantrums

You've done your best, but the tantrum still occurs - try some of the following strategies:

• Stay calm (or pretend to!)
• Ignore the behavior if you can – sometimes tantrums stop if there is no audience
• As a parent set clear limits - think about setting up routines and sticking to them. For example -if you want to buy your child a treat every time you go to the store, that's fine, however if you don't, then it is probably best to never buy a treat. Preschoolers find it hard to understand that what is ok one week is not ok for the next.
• Whenever possible, help your child express her feelings in words. "You really wanted mommy to buy that toy didn't you?."
• Remove them immediately if they are hurting themselves, others or property
• Distract them - children of this age can be easily distracted
• Hold them close; and talk calmly and quietly in their ear. Calmly assure them: they are safe, you are in charge and you will not continue what you were doing unless the behavior stops. It may take time for your child to be consoled and back in control, so be patient but do NOT give in to the behavior.
• Tantrums in public can be embarrassing, but if you say NO, then mean it. It is very important to be consistent with your approach. If a child learns that a certain behavior works then they are likely to try that strategy again.

Tantrums are common in 1 – 4 year old children. They decline as children develop more effective ways of dealing with feelings and communicating their needs. Be consistent with your approach in dealing with temper tantrums, and try and have other family members adopt the same methods. Often we feel embarrassed when a child has a tantrum in public, and we are afraid of what people might think. It is important that we don't give in - if we do - then we teach a child that they can get away with things in front of other people. You can reduce tantrums and help your child (and you) to deal with stressful situations by using some simple strategies and sensible planning. Good luck!

Parent Tips

Josie and Phillip: parents of one son aged 4
"Our son usually saves his best dramatic performances for when we are shopping in public. We never take him out when he is tired or hungry and we try and limit the outings to short visits. It helps if we calmly tell him what is happening before we go and what behavior we expect, occasionally we offer a reward if it’s a special event."

Petra and John: parents of two daughters aged 6 and 1
"Our eldest child used to scream and kick when she had a temper tantrum. I would simply scoop her up in my arms, hold her close and leave the room/area. After she had calmed down I would give her a hug even though I was usually seething with anger. I’d explain that I was unhappy with her behavior and that she needed to use her words if she was having unhappy or confusing feelings. Her tantrums were at their worst when she was three and by the time she started school, she was rarely having them."

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

Here are some clear guidelines for teaching your child to follow instructions.

Following Instructions, Part Three

The first core skill is “Following Instructions.”  Teach your child the following three parts to following instructions:
1.    Look at the person.
2.    Acknowledge the instruction, say “OK.”
3.    Do it right away.

The following guidelines should help you get started:

• Be clear with your child about what you are doing.  You might say, “Cassie, I am going teach you about how to follow instructions.  I have three steps to remember, listen because I want you to say them back to me.”
• Once he or she can say them to you in order, start to practice.  Ask your child to look at you (asking for eye contact) and then ask her to do something simple.  Wait for her to respond with “OK,” and watch her go off to do it (right away).  
• If she forgets a step, prompt her with the right words and go on.  This can be fun.  Ask her to get your slippers and put one on your head.
• Later when a real-life situation arises that requires your child to follow instructions, before giving the instruction, ask your child if he remembers the steps of following instructions.  Review, if needed.
• Two things to keep in mind regarding eye contact.  In order to have eye contact when giving instructions, you need to be in the same room with your child.  (Obvious, I know.) The days of yelling from another room are over.  Also, you will need to think twice before giving instructions.  Be sure that you really need her to do the task before giving the instructions.  Too many instructions (unnecessary ones) can be counterproductive.
• Acknowledging with an “Okay” assures you that your child has heard you.
• Doing the task right away, avoids the child not obeying because they forgot the request.
• While you are instilling this core skill, you do not need to think about consequences.  The assumption is that your child needs ample practice recalling and doing the skill.  Simply having her recall the steps to you out loud is a sufficient consequence in the beginning.
• After lots of instruction, you may feel that your child is acting out of defiance.  At this point, you need to start collecting ideas from friends and professionals about logical consequences.  (Accepting those consequences is the fourth skill.)

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

You need to instill a habit of establishing eye contact with your child before moving into the four core skills.

Where do I start? Part two

As you will see in the four following tips on teaching core skills, the first step in three out of four of the key skills is, “Look at the person.”  You need to instill a habit of establishing eye contact with your child before moving into the four core skills.  If your young child has not yet created a habit of looking you in the eyes while talking, here are a few suggestions:

• Begin by looking for small opportunities to catch your child’s eye and then simply smile and/or say something that your child would love to hear like, “You have such pretty eyes,” or “I like it when you look in my eyes.”
• Starting with brief glances at first is great.  You may need to get used to eye contact yourself.
• Try having a staring contest.  Making a game and being playful creates positive associations with eye contact and makes later teaching easier.  Plus you can teach the cue, “Sweetie, look at my eyes.”
• Once you have a few successes and a level of comfort, start asking your child to look at you when you have something important, hopefully positive, to tell him or her.  It might sound like this, “Sarah, I want you to look at mommy in the eyes. (Pause) Good job.  You did a good job on the potty today.”  A warm hand on the arm or shoulder would be a nice affirmation too.

For children and adults, open and honest communication begins with eye contact.  I believe that being intentional about teaching eye contact will make the challenge of parent-as-teacher more rewarding.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.