Honestly and truly, no one can parent a child without support from family, friends, or professionals. You might be looking for playdates. You always need someone to brag to, get advice from, or vent to without feeling judged. However, when the pressure of parenting is really on, you also might have a hard time remembering or figuring out who you can turn to for support. The exercise outlined below leads you through a simple listing and categorizing exercise that you will be glad to have the next time parenting pressure builds up and you need some tender, loving care.
1. Get out a clean sheet of paper and create a list of all of the family, friends, and professionals that you believe care about you and your family. Don’t forget parents of other children; friends both far and near and new or old; professionals (doctors, nurses childcare workers or teachers); members of your faith community; and co-workers.
2. At the bottom or on one side of the same page, write the items from the “Type of Support” section in the following table.
Type of Support
P—Play date - Who does your child like to play with?
B—Brag to - Who are the people who will celebrate the small milestones in your child’s life?
V—Venting without feeling judged - Who are the true friends that know when you are just blowing off steam?
D—Date night - Who in your life has the flexibility and love for your child to offer you a “kid-free” evening?
S—Baby sit for afternoon - Who could offer a hand if your child is sick and you have to go to work, or you just want to go to the grocery store alone?
A—Parenting advice - Don’t forget www.sixtysecondparent.com
H—Hand me downs - Are there other families with children older or larger than yours that you could ask for gently-used clothing?
3. Next take the support item “Play date” and consider each person that you listed. Put a “P” next to his or her name if you feel that he or she could offer you and your child a play date from time to time. (for example: Sally—P) Using the same method, work your way through the key with each person on your list. Several people may have more than one letter next to their name, which is great. (Sally—P, V, and H) Before you finish, consider whether there are other items that you might add to your type of support list.
4. Keep this list somewhere that it can be easily found when you feel overwhelmed or just in need of some cheering up. Sometimes it is simply good enough to look over the list and be reminded that you do have a network of caring people who are there if needed.
These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.
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