Children vary at the age and speed in which they achieve bladder and bowel control.

This article aims to give you a variety of strategies that are both easy to read and practical. What do parents need to know about potty training? 

Despite a generally more relaxed approach today to toilet training, many parents still feel under pressure from family and friends. You find out from your grandmother that your aunt was fully potty trained at one… ONE!!!! That is crazy!! As parents we often remember things differently as the years go by; have a sense of humor when listening to others stories and advice. A sense of humor is compulsory when potty training!!

What are some signs that my child is ready?

Most parents try potty training anywhere from 18-months old through to three years of age. There is no standard "right" time for all children, you as the parent will need to gauge when the time is right. Toilet training is a special developmental challenge early in childhood. There is usually no hurry or benefit to early potty training. It is best to try and wait until the child is ready. Do not start potty training until both you and your child are ready. You are ready when you are able to commit the time and energy necessary to encourage your child on a daily basis to be happy and supported while toilet training. Summer is a great time to potty train as it allows your child the opportunity to wear minimal clothing and the pressure of "accidents" isn’t an issue when they are spending a lot of time outside.

Your child may show some of the following signs of readiness

• An interest in wearing underpants instead of diapers 
• They may signal that the diaper is wet or soiled or they may ask to use the potty
• The ability to stay dry for several hours at a stretch
• An interest in being clean and dry
• Show signs of independence like wanting to dress and feed oneself
• Able to understand simple instructions

Tips for making potty training easier

Remember that you are dealing with a toddler or preschooler who likes to believe that they are in control of the situation. It is better to allow your child to have some choices. Parents generally have better success when they are not forcing potty training.

The following are some tips for easing the stress of toilet training:

• Let your child be involved in choosing some of the potty training equipment e.g. new underwear, potty seat, potty, reward chart
• Decide if you are going to initially use a potty chair and then an over-the-toilet seat with a stool. Some parents choose to not use a potty, the choice is individual and you may need to be flexible
• Decide when your son is going to experiment with standing up to urinate (be warned, it can be messy!)
• Allow your child to see what toileting looks like, let them flush the toilet, talk about why big people use toilets
• Ensure that everyone who cares for your child is involved in the decision to commit to potty training e.g. daycare, sitters, family members, as a consistent approach is vital. Once you are confident that your support network is ready, make the decision, choose the day and stick with it!! It is important to continue with toilet training regardless of your child’s schedule e.g. birthday parties, visiting friends. It will require more time and energy on your part, but stopping and starting can send mixed messages to your child
• If you feel you have prematurely started toilet training and your child simply isn’t ready, then stop and try again later

Getting started

• Let your child experiment with sitting on the potty with pants/diapers on and off 
• Encourage your child to watch parents or siblings use the bathroom
• Never force a child to sit on the potty or toilet
• Assist your child in undressing and sitting on the potty or toilet
• Let your child sit for as long or as little as they want to
• Ensure you have LOTS OF underwear and loose, easy to remove pants. When leaving the house, be prepared for the worst!
• Begin by putting your child on the toilet or potty at regular intervals. Most children urinate within an hour after having a large drink
• Stay with your child when they are using the toilet or potty. Smile, read or talk as it may help them to relax
• When they successfully use the toilet/potty, praise them and celebrate!! You may use a reward chart, have a small party to celebrate, or phone a family member and tell them the great news!! Show your child you are so proud of his success!

It may take up to 3 months to toilet train your child. It is important for you to be patient and supportive throughout. Do not punish your child when he or she has an accident.  A lot of children are able to become dry during the day but take months or years to be consistently dry at night.

Expect accidents…

Potty training generally takes several weeks or more for the child who is ready. If it is taking longer, maybe your child isn't yet ready, and you should try again in a few weeks. Even for the child who is making progress, there will be plenty of accidents. Be prepared to accept them with patience and to appreciate that this is just part of normal potty training. Make sure you reward your child with praise and congratulations when he or she uses the potty, and be sympathetic when there are mistakes. Children who are punished for toileting mistakes may end up becoming more resistant to using the toilet altogether. Praise success, but do not criticize failure and GOOD LUCK!

Parent tips

Maria and Andrew: parents of three children aged 4, 6 and 8
‘I found potty training with my eldest daughter to be extremely easy. She was dry both day and night after three days. I was so proud of her (and myself!). Unfortunately my two sons have been a totally different experience. I did the same process with my boys; my middle son would urinate in the toilet/potty but wanted a diaper on to poop… so frustrating. The refusals continued for a year! My youngest took a while, we tried potty training at two, then stopped and waited and he finally had dry days at three and a half years.’ 

Lisa and Mark: parents of two sons aged 7 and 5
‘Toilet training was difficult with both our sons, they took a long time to get out of diapers, I made lots of excuses – waiting for summer, waiting until I had stopped breastfeeding my youngest. I think I was hoping it would happen on it’s own BUT IT DIDN’T!  My seven year old still wets the bed at night occasionally, we wake him and make him go to the toilet when we go to bed but he still has wet nights. We eventually had success with our youngest child when we bought him some dinosaur underwear…’ 

Mealtime is a time for families to gather together, share and have fun!

In today’s fast-paced society, families often abandon eating together. Research shows that children that eat with their families are more likely to try new foods, make healthier choices and even do better in school! Mealtimes are an opportunity for parents to strengthen their family, model good eating habits and keep track of their children’s lives.

Here are some tips to create mealtime routines for your family:

• Try to plan one meal a day in which everyone can be together. If both parents are not available, have at least one parent eat with the children. If the weekdays are too hectic, make a special effort on the weekend.
• Try to focus on your children and not discuss adult issues. Start a tradition by having each child share the best thing that happened to them that day. Enjoy your amazing family.
• Turn off the TV! Television viewing during dinner stifles conversation. Research shows that families that watch television during dinner eat more fatty foods and less fruits and vegetables.
• Let the children join in cooking. Children as young as two-years old love to help! They can help prepare dinner (eg; sprinkle cheese, chop bananas for fruit salad etc), set the table or even do the dishes (if you don’t mind the mess).
• At mealtimes model good manners, healthy eating and a willingness to try new foods. Children will mimic your attitudes toward food.  If you don’t eat your vegetables, why should they? Be open to new ways of cooking too.
• Keep meals simple and be realistic about the amount of food that you give your child.

Parent Tips

Jane and Mikel - parents of four children
The children take turns bringing a lighted candle to the dinner table. We then sing a blessing. If the children are a bit fussy about coming to the table, I sprinkle some magic fairy dust and polish their seats. This tends to work because of their ages. At our house we have a compulsory salad at the start of our meal, and the children know that it is the most important part and that it must be eaten before getting anything else. We have always been consistent with this and rarely have an issue with non-eating. If they are teething or overtired, then they just do their best.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

All children go through periods of fear. This is normal and expected. Here are a few ideas to help your child with her fears.

Young children can be fearful of all kinds of things. Common fears are storms, dogs, loud noises (vacuum cleaners, water going down the plug), clowns and insects. Here are some tips to help you and your child through this stage.

• Stay calm when your child is afraid. Your child will look to you for your reaction. Staying calm will reassure her and make her feel safe.
• Let your child know that it is okay to feel scared. Try saying "You don't like the thunder", or "That loud noise scared you didn't it?"
• Try not to go over the top with the attention you give to your child when she is scared. If we pay too much attention she may think that there really is something to be afraid of. Tell them about something you were afraid of when you were little and how you grew out of it.
• Although it is hard - try not to pass your own fears onto your child.
• Talk to your child about their fears. Sometimes they have misconceptions that can be cleared up. For example, when my little girl was 2 years old she was afraid of the noise the water made going out of the bath. She told us she thought a monster lived under the bath and was going to get her. We were able to discuss it with her, and even looked down the drain with a flashlight to establish there was nothing there.
• Try distracting your child with a toy or book. There are some excellent picture books that address common fears that you can read to your child.
• Play it out. Some children benefit from playing out the fear again and again. This lets her deal with her feelings in a safe way. If the fear is dogs - you and your child can take turns at being the dog and the child.
• If your child is particularly scared of something or someone give him some time to adapt before going ahead. Start small - if your child is afraid of the vacuum cleaner let him touch it when it is off, he may even feel safe enough to 'play' at vacuuming. Move on to doing the vacuuming when he is playing outside with another adult and then maybe watching through the window
• If you stay in sight you can help prevent fears. If your child can see you he will feel safer.
• Never make fun of your child's fear or get angry if her fear seems silly.
• Remember childhood fears are a normal part of growing up.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

Ever think, "I need help"?
Honestly and truly, no one can parent a child without support from family, friends, or professionals.  You might be looking for playdates.   You always need someone to brag to, get advice from, or vent to without feeling judged.  However, when the pressure of parenting is really on, you also might have a hard time remembering or figuring out who you can turn to for support.  The exercise outlined below leads you through a simple listing and categorizing exercise that you will be glad to have the next time parenting pressure builds up and you need some tender, loving care.

1.  Get out a clean sheet of paper and create a list of all of the family, friends, and professionals that you believe care about you and your family.  Don’t forget parents of other children; friends both far and near and new or old; professionals (doctors, nurses childcare workers or teachers); members of your faith community; and co-workers.

2.  At the bottom or on one side of the same page, write the items from the “Type of Support” section in the following table.

Type of Support

P—Play date  - Who does your child like to play with?

B—Brag to  - Who are the people who will celebrate the small milestones in your child’s life?

V—Venting without feeling judged  -  Who are the true friends that know when you are just blowing off steam?

D—Date night - Who in your life has the flexibility and love for your child to offer you a “kid-free” evening?

S—Baby sit for afternoon - Who could offer a hand if your child is sick and you have to go to work, or you just want to go to the grocery store alone?

A—Parenting advice  - Don’t forget www.sixtysecondparent.com

H—Hand me downs  - Are there other families with children older or larger than yours that you could ask for gently-used clothing?

3.  Next take the support item “Play date” and consider each person that you listed.  Put a “P” next to his or her name if you feel that he or she could offer you and your child a play date from time to time.  (for example:  Sally—P) Using the same method, work your way through the key with each person on your list.  Several people may have more than one letter next to their name, which is great.  (Sally—P, V, and H)  Before you finish, consider whether there are other items that you might add to your type of support list.

4.  Keep this list somewhere that it can be easily found when you feel overwhelmed or just in need of some cheering up.  Sometimes it is simply good enough to look over the list and be reminded that you do have a network of caring people who are there if needed.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

Source: Buncombe County Department of Social Services (Asheville, NC).

Taking responsibility for something we have done wrong does not come naturally.

Part six - Accepting consequences

Teach your child the following four parts of accepting consequences:

1. Look at the person.
2. Say “Okay” and remain calm.
3. Carry out the consequences.

Here are a few words of advice:

• My husband has worked at colleges for 18 years and can quickly tell which college freshmen have learned the art of accepting a consequence.  Taking responsibility for something we have done wrong does not come naturally and yet our children will need to do so effectively their whole lives.  Anyone gotten a speeding ticket lately?
• The past three skills worked on the premise that you will teach your child skills.  So when he failed to put the skill into practice, you taught the skill again as the intervention.  At some point, you will come recognize when your child obeys because of lack of practice or willfulness.  If you decide that your child has willfully disobeyed you, you need to begin teaching him how to accept an appropriate consequence.  
• Just to get it out of the way, appropriate consequences do not include:  spanking, slapping, pinching, shaking, pulling hair or arms, pushing, and jerking.  Verbal abuse, such as being sarcastic or threatening, is also not allowed.  Last, putting anything in the child’s mouth, such as soap, pepper, Tabasco, a washcloth, is not allowed.  (I am glad that’s over with.)
• So when a child willfully disobeys what he has been taught, you need to teach him how to accept a consequence.  Following the steps above, you might say the following.  “Charlie, you need to accept a consequence for going outside without permission.  I want you to look at me while I tell you what you need to do.  After I tell you your consequence, you need to stay calm, look me in the eyes, and say ‘Okay.’  Then I want you to go do it right away.”
• It is important for the bond of love and respect that you and your child carry out this interaction calmly and respectfully.
• As you well know, the higher goal of parenting is to find your child behaving well and reinforce that…we also know that sometimes a logical consequence is needed.
• The logical part of logical consequence is crucial.  If your child spills crackers on the living room floor when he been taught to keep food in the kitchen, he needs to clean up the crackers and not have his bowl refilled.  A timeout is an acceptable consequence, but not a logical one.  Logical consequences are not always apparent and that is when tools such as time out come in.  The child’s age determines the length of the time out (1 minute for a one year old, 2 minutes for a two-year old, etc.).
• As the child gets older, you can give him an opportunity to ask you for permission to discuss the consequence later if he disagrees.  However, at first, your child needs to master calmly accepting the consequence and doing it right away.  Hang in there!

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

Source: www.professionalparenting.org

In some situations you are the best judge of what your child may or may not do.

Asking Permission - Part five

Teach your child the following three parts of asking permission:

1. Go to the person in charge.
2. Ask in the form of a question.
3. Wait for an answer.

Here are a few words of advice:

• Remember to intentionally teach your child how to ask for permission.  You could say, “Jessica, I am going to teach you how to ask permission to do somethings because asking permission is important for staying safe.  First, I want you to go to the person in charge…that’s the adult, like Mommy or Daddy.  Then, ask a question such as ‘May I please have a snack?’ Next, just wait for an answer.  Now let’s practice.”  Remember you will need to repeat these instructions again and again as situations come up.  You want your child to tell them back to you without help…oh yeah, and to do them too.
• Think ahead about when you want your child to ask for permission.  Asking to be excused from the dinner table can begin at an early age.  Other times include: playing with particularly messy toys (like blocks or a train set), having a snack, going outside or off the porch, and watching television.  Establishing routine opportunities for asking permission will reinforce the skill so that it can transfer to other situations later—such as a classroom.
• Give your child a chance to initiate this skill after teaching it.  When she forgets to ask permission, you need to get down at eye-level, establish eye contact, and ask her to tell you the steps for asking permission.  This gentle, respectful intervention takes deliberate effort on your part, so slowly introduce situations for asking permission. (Don’t frustrate yourself or your child with too much at once.)  
• Teaching your child to ask permission is not being controlling.  Obviously, your preschooler will make hundreds of decisions independently each day (that’s why they need that afternoon rest time).  But in certain situations—ones that you deem important—you are the best judge of what your child chooses to do.  As your child becomes older, especially school-age, you will gradually hand more decisions over to him in areas that he has proven to have good judgment.
• Asking permission establishes a structure for authority in your home that ultimately fosters your child’s sense of independence.  That is, as she senses who is in charge, she will develop a sense of security and a positive sense of self in relationship to those she loves and respects.

Source: www.professionalparenting.org

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

My preschooler hates having his hair washed. He loves the bath; but when it comes to hair washing, he cries and wants to get out.

What can we do? Many young children love to take a bath but protest loudly when it’s time to wash their hair. Here are a couple of ideas to make washing hair easier:

• Make sure you use a shampoo of the 'no tears' variety.
• Have your child hold a rolled up wash cloth over his eyes.
• Put some interesting pictures on the ceiling to encourage them to look up for easy rinsing.
• Try using a squeeze bottle filled with water to rinse hair if they are reluctant to lay down.
• Some children feel more comfortable with having their hair rinsed by a hand held shower attachment.
• Use a purpose made rinse guard to protect the face.
• If your child is afraid to have his hair washed, let him wash yours first and make it seem like fun!
• Put a doll with hair (one that can get wet) in the bath and let your child play at washing hair.
• Sing a hair washing song such as 'this is the way we wash your hair' - tell your child hair washing will be over when the song is over.
• Unless they are getting very dirty, don't worry about washing hair everyday. Some children may only need a hair wash once a week.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

The skill of accepting 'No', will teach your child how to deal with being denied.

Accepting "No" - Part four

Teach your child the following three parts to accepting “No” as an answer:

1. Look at the person.
2. Listen quietly.
3. Calmly move on.

Here are a few words of advice:

• I have to admit that I have physically cringed when I realized that I was going to have to tell my daughter “No” about something, especially in public.  Whether she would roll her eyes, stomp her feet, or whine, I just didn’t want to deal with it.  Have you ever decided not to say, “No” because you didn’t want to deal with your child’s reaction?
• As parents and teachers of our children, we have to remember that our children need to be taught how to accept “No”.  Merely saying, “Because I said so” or “Just do it” doesn’t help lay out the way to cope with the stress of being denied.  I am not saying that our children shouldn’t do what we ask; on the contrary, I believe they should—but doing so doesn’t come naturally.
• You have to teach the steps of the skill.  Put them on a sheet of paper on the refrigerator.  Go over them repeatedly—driving to the store, waiting in a line, or at bedtime.  Initially, ask your child to repeat the steps back to you as you say them one at a time.  This will take less than a minute to do.  Later, quiz her on all three steps. After your child can say the steps to accepting “No”, it is especially important to role play what you want your child to do so that the teaching is not just verbal but also involves movement (like it will in real life situations).
• The first step is to establish eye contact between you and your child.  Don’t be afraid to say, “Sarah, I want you to look at me,” when you know that you have to say “No”.  At first, to reinforce the skill, say, “Look at me.  Do you remember the steps for accepting ‘No’”?  Early on ask and help her to repeat the steps back to you.  Of course, she will know what is coming.  However, you are preparing her to respond appropriately.
• Once she is looking at you and listening quietly (step 2), say something simple and clear such as, “The answer is ‘No’.”
• If she starts to overreact, remind her to move on calmly (step 3).
• The steps of the skill do not allow a step for you to give your child a reason.  In the moment, the skill focuses on how to handle a stressful situation, so it needs to remain short and clear.
• Later, if you feel that it is important, you can offer a good reason for why you said, “No.”  (It doesn’t have to be every time.) However, your reason does need to make sense to a small child and should not be drawn out.
• Accepting “No” is a crucial life skill.  Our children’s teachers and, later, bosses will tell them “No.”  The goal in teaching this skill is to help our children learn early how to cope with and appropriately respond to being denied.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

Does your young child have temper tantrums? Does it feel like they last forever? Well take heart, you are not alone.

Tantrum behavior can start as young as around your child's first birthday. When tantrums first appear, many parents question what they have done wrong! In fact temper tantrums are a good sign - they show your child is on target developmentally. Children this age need to be able to assert their independence. Sometimes this gets expressed in temper tantrum behavior. Not only is it frightening and frustrating to you, but it is also a little scary for your toddler. Stay calm and offer them a hug when it is over.

What is a tantrum?

Many children show their frustrated feelings by screaming and kicking. Young children become frustrated because they lack the words to say what they are feeling, and therefore, they express their feelings in action e.g. temper tantrums. Tantrums often occur because a child is too tired, over-stimulated, or too stressed. The result is an unplanned outburst of emotion.

What are tantrum triggers for your child?

If your child has a lot of tantrums, it is wise to record a "tantrum diary." Write down what may be triggering the behavioral outbursts that way you can begin to come up with strategies for dealing with them appropriately.
Was your child:

• Tired
• Hungry
• Frustrated or unable to do something
• Being refused something or feeling a sense of loss
• Being rushed
• Trying to be independent
• Over-stimulated
• Disappointed
• Feeling misunderstood
• Eating certain foods e.g. food triggers
• Reacting to parent-stress strategies to stop tantrums happening in the first place

Hopefully, you’ve worked out the triggers that are causing the tantrums, and you and your partner have sat down and discussed some ways of doing things differently. Here are some tips to consider:

• Tired, hungry children are more likely to have behavior issues. Where possible, ensure your child is well fed (for this age group it is a good idea to take snacks and a drinks with you when you go out), and well rested
• Look for early warning signs, then distract or control the situation by offering choices
• Set the stage for success by making activities simple and obtainable
• Know your child’s limits. Challenge them, but try not to set them up for failure
• Give them plenty of praise
• Catch them being good

If you consistently have behavior problems in supermarkets or other places – try to avoid going there with your child.  Or if you must, make the visits short. Make them a helper, or distract them with food, a toy or a story while shopping.

Strategies for dealing with tantrums

You've done your best, but the tantrum still occurs - try some of the following strategies:

• Stay calm (or pretend to!)
• Ignore the behavior if you can – sometimes tantrums stop if there is no audience
• As a parent set clear limits - think about setting up routines and sticking to them. For example -if you want to buy your child a treat every time you go to the store, that's fine, however if you don't, then it is probably best to never buy a treat. Preschoolers find it hard to understand that what is ok one week is not ok for the next.
• Whenever possible, help your child express her feelings in words. "You really wanted mommy to buy that toy didn't you?."
• Remove them immediately if they are hurting themselves, others or property
• Distract them - children of this age can be easily distracted
• Hold them close; and talk calmly and quietly in their ear. Calmly assure them: they are safe, you are in charge and you will not continue what you were doing unless the behavior stops. It may take time for your child to be consoled and back in control, so be patient but do NOT give in to the behavior.
• Tantrums in public can be embarrassing, but if you say NO, then mean it. It is very important to be consistent with your approach. If a child learns that a certain behavior works then they are likely to try that strategy again.

Tantrums are common in 1 – 4 year old children. They decline as children develop more effective ways of dealing with feelings and communicating their needs. Be consistent with your approach in dealing with temper tantrums, and try and have other family members adopt the same methods. Often we feel embarrassed when a child has a tantrum in public, and we are afraid of what people might think. It is important that we don't give in - if we do - then we teach a child that they can get away with things in front of other people. You can reduce tantrums and help your child (and you) to deal with stressful situations by using some simple strategies and sensible planning. Good luck!

Parent Tips

Josie and Phillip: parents of one son aged 4
"Our son usually saves his best dramatic performances for when we are shopping in public. We never take him out when he is tired or hungry and we try and limit the outings to short visits. It helps if we calmly tell him what is happening before we go and what behavior we expect, occasionally we offer a reward if it’s a special event."

Petra and John: parents of two daughters aged 6 and 1
"Our eldest child used to scream and kick when she had a temper tantrum. I would simply scoop her up in my arms, hold her close and leave the room/area. After she had calmed down I would give her a hug even though I was usually seething with anger. I’d explain that I was unhappy with her behavior and that she needed to use her words if she was having unhappy or confusing feelings. Her tantrums were at their worst when she was three and by the time she started school, she was rarely having them."

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.

To a large degree, the social emotional needs of gifted children are the same as those of other children.

The same developmental stages occur, though often at a younger age. Some needs and problems, however, appear more often among gifted children.

Types of Problems

It is helpful to think of the needs of gifted children in terms of those that arise because of the interaction with the environmental setting (e.g., family, school etc) and those that arise internally because of the very characteristics of the gifted child.

Several intellectual and personality attributes may characterize gifted children.

• Uneven Development. Motor skills, especially fine-motor, often lag behind cognitive conceptual abilities, particularly in preschool gifted children. These children may see in their "mind's eye" what they want to do, construct, or draw; however, motor skills do not allow them to achieve the goal. Intense frustration and emotional outbursts may result.
• Peer Relations. As preschoolers and in primary grades, gifted children (particularly highly gifted) attempt to organize people and things. Their search for consistency emphasizes "rules," which they attempt to apply to others. They invent complex games and try to organize their playmates, often prompting resentment in their peers.
• Excessive Self-Criticism. The ability to see possibilities and alternatives may imply that youngsters see idealistic images of what they might be, at the same time they may put themselves down because they see how they are falling short of an ideal.
• Perfectionism. The ability to see how one might ideally perform, combined with emotional intensity, leads many gifted children to unrealistically high expectations of themselves. In high ability children, perhaps 15-20% may be hindered significantly by perfectionism at some point in their academic careers, and even later in life.
• Avoidance of Risk-Taking. In the same way the gifted youngsters see the possibilities, they also see potential problems in undertaking those activities. Avoidance of potential problems can mean avoidance of risk-taking, and may result in underachievement.
• Multipotentiality. Gifted children often have several advanced capabilities and may be involved in diverse activities to an almost frantic degree. Though seldom a problem for the child, this may create problems for the family, as well as confusion when decisions must be made about career selection.
• Gifted Children with Disabilities. Physical disabilities can prompt social and emotional difficulties. Intellect may be high, but motor difficulties such as cerebral palsy may prevent expression of potential. Visual or hearing impairment or a learning disability may cause frustration. Gifted children with disabilities tend to evaluate themselves more on what they are unable to do than on their substantial abilities.

External Problems

A lack of understanding or support for gifted children, and sometimes actual ambivalence or hostility, creates significant problems.

Some common problem patterns are:

• School Culture and Norms. Gifted children, by definition, are "unusual" when compared with same-age children--at least in cognitive abilities--and require different educational experiences. Schools, however, generally group children by age. The child often has a dilemma--conform to the expectations for the average child or be seen as nonconformist.
• Expectations by Others. Gifted children--particularly the more creative--do not conform. Nonconformists violate or challenge traditions, rituals, roles, or expectations. Such behaviors often prompt discomfort in others. The gifted child, sensitive to others' discomfort, may then try to hide abilities.
• Peer Relations. Who is a peer for a gifted child? Gifted children need several peer groups because their interests are so varied. Their advanced levels of ability may steer them toward older children. They may replace peers by reading books. Such children are often thought of as "loners." The conflict between fitting in and being an individual may be quite stressful.
• Depression. Depression is usually being angry at oneself or at a situation over which one has little or no control. In some families, continual evaluation and criticism of performance--one's own and others--is a tradition. Any natural tendency to self-evaluate likely will be inflated. Depression and academic underachievement may be increased. Sometimes educational misplacement causes the gifted youngster to feel caught in a slow motion world. Depression may result because the child feels caught in an unchangeable situation.
• Family Relations. Families particularly influence the development of social and emotional competence. When problems occur, it is not because parents consciously decide to create difficulties for gifted children. It is because parents lack information about gifted children, or lack support for appropriate parenting, or are attempting to cope with their own unresolved problems (which may stem from their experiences with being gifted).

Preventing Problems

• Support for Parents. Parents are particularly important in preventing social or emotional problems. Teaching, no matter how excellent or supportive, can seldom counteract inappropriate parenting. Supportive family environments, on the other hand, can counteract unhappy school experiences. Parents need information if they are to nurture well and to be wise advocates for their children.
• Focus on Parents of Young Children. Problems are best prevented by involving parents when children are young. Parents particularly must understand characteristics that may make gifted children seem different or difficult.
• Educate and Involve Health-Care and Other Professionals. Efforts should be made to involve such professionals in state and local meetings and in continuing education programs concerning gifted children. Pediatricians, psychologists, and other caregivers such as day-care providers typically have received little training about gifted children, and therefore can provide little assistance to parents .
• Use Educational Flexibility. Gifted children require different and more flexible educational experiences. When the children come from multicultural or low-income families, educational flexibility and reaching out may be particularly necessary. Seven flexibly paced educational options, relatively easy to implement in most school settings are: early entrance; grade skipping; advanced level courses; compacted courses; continuous progress in the regular classroom; concurrent enrollment in advanced classes; and credit by examination. These options are based on competence and demonstrated ability, rather than on arbitrary age groupings.
• Establish Parent Discussion Groups. Parents of gifted children typically have few opportunities to talk with other parents of gifted children. Discussion groups provide opportunities to "swap parenting recipes" and child-rearing experiences. Such experiences provide perspective as well as specific information .

Author: Webb, James T.
Source: ERIC Clearinghouse on Disabilities and Gifted Education Reston VA.

These great tips and more are from the highly acclaimed book The Triumphant Child - A practical guide to raising 2, 3 and year olds.